Sunday, January 12, 2014

New Life

I have a new son. This is very significant seeing as how the last baby of mine that I held was nearly 11 years ago. This time around there are a lot of noticeable differences. This time, I am not frantically trying to take care of him while juggling midterms in my senior year in an engineering degree. This time I am not wondering if I can squeeze a few hours off of work to recover and still be able to pay rent. This time I have a pile of new clothes that generous friends and neighbors have brought by, along with all the trimmings of a proper nursery. I am not worried about being able to afford the doctor bills, diapers, and pacifiers. This time, as we went to the birth center (not the hospital) I was confident that all would go well. We had something of a birth plan. We knew what we were doing. Sure, there are a lot of things that can go wrong giving birth, but this time I was present and felt like I was contributing as I hummed for my wife to help her through each contraction.

Today, as I changed his diaper, he looked up at me with a peaceful and happy expression and I was suddenly hit with the overwhelming feeling of love that they talk about when you first hold your newborn in your arms. I had prayed for this. I was expecting it a while ago. I can honestly say, it is a new experience. The worries and cares I mentioned above precluded from my first encounters with my other children. Not that I don't love them as much. That love had to grow over years of time. This time was different. It was like a package of love that was dropped on the doorstep of my heart.

I have been reading the Old Testament and pondering how parenthood must have been like for Adam and Eve. How much we have changed and yet how much it is the same. How I never felt prepared for this parenting thing until now, and how generations pass on the same wisdom and follies of their parents. Adam was taught perfect instruction on how to raise a happy family. And yet he still had children who rebelled and fell away. In partaking of the fruit and signing up for the whole package of joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, it occurs to me that much of that came from his children. That is not very different from how Heavenly Father feels about his children.

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